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is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

topic posted Wed, July 26, 2006 - 3:29 AM by  jenlee 		Share/Save/Bookmark
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I am turning 36 tomorrow. I grew up with very strict parents and wasn't allowed to be the teenager or person that I wanted to be. After getting pregrant @ 17, had to get married. All my "Dark" intrests spooked hubby and so I had to closet my Gothness again. I am now married to a wonderful older gent who lets me be the free spirit that I have always dreamt of becoming. Has my age exspired to my abltiy to be truly Goth? Is there still a chance and room for me to explore this part of myself?
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jenlee
offline jenlee
Atlanta
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  • Maya
    Maya
    online 495

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Wed, July 26, 2006 - 9:06 AM
    Personally Goth is a state of mind. So you can grow old and die a goth. I personally think it'd be cool to see an old lady dressed in all black. You are by no means an old lady so go enjoy being a goth if that's what you want to do! I'm 33 and though I don't always dress in black (I work at a nature center run by the Board of Education) but when I go out I often dress gothic.
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  • Maud...
    Maude'Dib
    offline 115

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Wed, July 26, 2006 - 9:21 AM
    Coming from and "old goth" (36 years old as well), the first thing to understand (and I am sure you do) is that being "goth" doesn't mean you have to dress in black every day or put on the white powder (that you pick up in chinatown) face every day.

    The first question to ask yourself is what it is about the goth lifestyle you like?

    The music.... that's and easy one to incorporate because you can listen to anything you want in your car or your home.

    The art/writing... another easy one- go to local art events, readings, get some new books to explore, pick up a set of paints.

    The clothing... regardless of you job, you can still incorporate this. Wear a suit to work?... wear a corset underneath. Nobody will know it's there but you. Throw on some great stockings for a bit of goth bling. Other than work... you can wear whatever you want!

    There is a HUGE variety of goths... everything from those who relish the extravigant clothing and feel of the gothic time perid to a punkish goth to a vampirish goth.

    It's about a different sort of appreciation and opening yourself up to new ideas and experiences.

    So I ask you... what does "goth" mean to you? What draws you to it?
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  • Unsu...
     

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Wed, July 26, 2006 - 10:27 AM
    I am 47 and I am still goth, though I have had to tone it down for work in some ways - oneof my students still cannot leave it alone though.
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    • jenlee
      jenlee
      offline 43

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Wed, July 26, 2006 - 2:25 PM
      thanx....its nice to know that I'm not alone. I can feel the luv.....all ewwy and gooey.
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      • Umbr...
        Umbramyst
        offline 6

        Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

        Fri, August 11, 2006 - 10:17 PM
        I'm 46 and still in black. I've recently started incorporating a little color (very selective colors), but I think I will always be predominately in black. I agree with everyone else, there is no age limit. That is something I have asked people when they start telling me I am too old to dress in black. What is the age limit to be who you are? It is a frame of mind and belief in what you like. Not a dress up game that you play till you get to be 30 years old and then suddenly turn it off. Enjoy who you are. If anything temper it so you don't clash with your profession, but otherwise be true to yourself.
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  • kirsa
    kirsa
    offline 181

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Thu, July 27, 2006 - 12:16 PM
    oh my goodness no! I have friends in the scene around here that are well in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s... I wouldn't be surprised to say that I few of them might be older than that.
    "...to be truly goth"... this means something different to everyone, go find what it means to you.
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  • ObSiDiA
    ObSiDiA
    offline 565

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Mon, August 7, 2006 - 12:39 PM
    never ever is there an age limit!!!

    I'm a 35 yr old Goth.....it's all good!!!!

    I dress Goth sometimes, bohemian sometimes...
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    • Ange...
      AngelDMort
      online 166

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Sat, August 12, 2006 - 5:27 AM
      I'm glad to hear you chiks say this. I'm turning 38 in a month or so, and I never really got to a place where it was ok to be 'all me'. I've limped along with My aadams family atitudes and my polyanna face for years, even my domain name is a joke about being 'not that kind of angel'. And lately it seems that the more I try to live up to my reiki teachings and be a good healer, etc, the more life crams in my face how much most people suck, and how stupid the average person it, leaving with a desperate desire to BITE and CHEW and SPIT and STOMP and I end up diving into my movies to escape the scism between what shoudl be, what I have to be to survive and what I feel like inside.
      A graveyard mind... being crammed into a perky bright world full of fakes.... if this relationship does die, I'm thinking of a carreer as a Domitrix. At least I won't have to pretend anymore.
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      • Umbr...
        Umbramyst
        offline 6

        Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

        Sun, August 13, 2006 - 6:35 PM
        I remember a period of change before I left my ex several years ago. I was becoming very negative and everyone really really got on my nerves. Nothing I did made me happy. Even the old things that I used to love, good movies, nothing. I had to step back from everything and look at myself and how I was really feeling about myself and my life. It took me a while to figure out what it was that was really bothering me. I was lying to myself and pretending to be someone I wasn't. It has taken me a few years to get back on track and realigned with myself so that I can look at things and not want to do as you do now. Don't worry about what others think and any boundaries you may have set for yourself right now. You need to find what is true to you. Until then you will not be in balance enough to heal anyone, not even yourself. People can be very fake for many reasons, but a lot of us see the fakeness and are turned off by it or repulsed. It makes them gator bait.
        My suggestion would be to take some time and look at who you really are. If that means writing it down on paper for weeks until you can really put your finger on who you are and what you like. What you normally write down to start with is only what is on the surface, take some time and dig deep to find the real you. Follow your teachings and trust in yourself. Let others slide past at this point as they are not what is important. In the end it may mean a major life change or just a small adjustment. You are the only one that will know in the end. What you do is up to you. Tell me to piss off, or try it, makes no matter. I only try to suggest to others things that could possibly help them. If you would like to discuss it on a more personal level, e-mail me privately. I won't get into the really personal stuff that is uncomfortable for some to discuss out in the open or they want to keep private.
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        • Kass...
          Kassandra
          offline 117

          Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

          Tue, September 26, 2006 - 1:33 PM
          Thank you, I am relieved after reading all this. My mother also considers I am too old for this. When I sent her pics of the clothes I am planning on buying she said "Surely you are not going dressed like that to the street!". When I asked why not, she said, "Well... because it is good only for a costuming party". I felt terrible. I am "only" 30.
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          • Unsu...
             

            Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

            Tue, September 26, 2006 - 8:22 PM
            Tell your mother to come out of the past and get with the here and now. I'm 51 in October, totally goth by nature and actions, wear my "gothy" clothes to work (psych hospital) and people accept me for what and who I am. Those who don't....pfffffffttttt. I plan on dying gothic...being buried in something black and the rest of the world be damned. Don't let outside pressure change who you feel you are. Do what makes you happy. If those around you actually love you they will accept/embrace your nature whether it be a child of light or a child of dark. Goth is a frame of mind and it has no age limit. Enjoy yourself and revel in who you are.
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            • jenlee
              jenlee
              offline 43

              Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

              Thu, September 28, 2006 - 3:24 PM
              I agree with Un. I am 36 and I have a Goth 18 year old daughter. We celeabrate the dark together. When your mother belittles you in such a way she is cutting herself off from something that sounds like it is very important in your life. I want to be able share everything with my child.....the Dark and Light.
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  • Snydley
    Snydley
    offline 2

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Mon, October 2, 2006 - 5:51 PM
    No age limit. Just a frame of mind that's not always easy to incorporate into daily life. But don't let that set you back. Dress how you want, where you want. Be who you want to be. Go out of the house with confidence (and don't be an arrogant butthead) and you'll find that people will begin to accept you for who you are.

    I'm in my mid 30s and I've recently decided that I needed to wear black miniskirts and black hose more often. I pair it with some different black leather boots (with lots of buckles) and different black shirts and a bit of eye makeup, and the overall look is gothic/industrial and very masculine. The first time I went out like that was a bit nerve-racking, but each time it gets easier, and at 6' and 190 lbs I don't get much gruff from any looky-loos. What I do get, though, is more compliments than sneers, and more people initiating pleasant conversations with me than when I've been dressed like all the other schlubs on the sidewalks. Maybe it's because I'm a happier person because I'm being who I want to be, not what I think other people expect me to be.
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  • Laura
    Laura
    offline 8

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Mon, November 6, 2006 - 11:09 AM
    I think I too have been inspired by reading this thread! I have also been "dark" since as long as I can remember. When I saw "Legend" the first time, I wanted the whole look Lily had during the wooing. So dark, and so pretty. I was only 9. Unfortunately, I lived in rural Iowa, and I didn't know that you could just dress however you want and be whoever you are, and so I didn't have a clue until I moved with my mom to Sacramento. My first day of school a lovely little blond gothling ran up and hugged me and said, "YAY! New Person!". I'd been the new kid about 12 times up to that point, and this reaction was certainly a first. Through her I found my inner goth, and I don't plan to ever let it go as long as I live. It's just a part of who I am. I love gothy music, i love gothy clothes, i love gothy makeup. I think I look my best with Black-Brown dark hair whacked into funky layers. Yeah, I have to tone it down and do "Goth Under Cover" at work, but even my co-workers are aware that it's there. HAHA! I just went all out and Gothed up for Halloween, and none of them even batted an eyelash. They know that I am just being Me. =) The point of my rambling is, age doesn't matter. If you're 80, and you still feel your best in a corset and victorian mourning suit, than there is no power on this earth that can tell you you're crazy. Don't let them. Just be you. Oh, and I also feel you on the significant other front. My ex was my age, and he didn't understand my gothy nature at all. hoped i'd grow out of it. We lasted 4 years, and then decided we weren't for eachother. And then I bumped into the love of my life, who saw me as an entire package, right through to my soul, accepted every inch as is, and I've never felt so free to be me before. ;) Yay for older men! puhehehe.
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  • Narc...
    NarcissaNoir
    offline 37

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Tue, November 7, 2006 - 8:38 PM
    Ah very good question but you yourelf couldv'e answered that one. Just as a vampire is immortal so is the Goth lifestyle. I am 35 and just had my latest infusion to bring back my gothness. I started studying belly dance and now there is Gothic Bellydance. who knew but no your never to old you just get better at the craft
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  • Crys...
    Crystabell
    offline 47

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Fri, December 15, 2006 - 6:35 PM
    No, No, a thousand times no. There is no age limit to the goth lifestyle. I'm 34, my boyfriend is 36. I know two 40 year olds, and many nearing there 30s. I'm goth, and always will be. My look did evolve when I fell in love with belly dancing about nine months ago. But I'm still my old black clad bat loving self. You don't have to "grow out of it", it's your lifestile..
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  • Solange
    Solange
    offline 85

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Wed, December 27, 2006 - 1:23 PM
    I am 43 & I was born Goth & I'll die Goth, I just don't always "dress" it with 3 little kids. My kids listen to Bauhaus, The Cure & Sisters Of Mercy along with newer music. My oldest(8) daughter has gothic tendencies but is a skatepunk at the moment

    Never give in, always be the real YOU^*^
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  • John
    John
    offline 8

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Thu, December 28, 2006 - 5:32 AM
    You can't get kicked out of the scene for being too old. :)

    I too put aside my darker tendencies at an early age because they did not fit in with my marriage. Whedn I finally started to indulge that side of my personality a decade later, it partly led to the break-up of said marriage. But I'm glad I did -- we should never suppress who we are or what we like. I'll be 39 in a couple of weeks, and I still go to clubs and shows often, and never feel out of place for being too old. It is indeed all about attitude. Being true to yourself keeps you feeling young. :)
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    • Michel
      Michel
      offline 77

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Thu, December 28, 2006 - 10:21 PM
      truly refreshing to see some folks with more earthly years under their belts chiming in....and being true to themselves....

      check out the "elder goths" tribe.....

      too bad our culture is so youth obsessed....whatever happened to appreciating wisdom and experience...that sometimes can only come with "age"?

      Namaste all you gothlings...young & old....warm wishes for a delectable '007

      .....michel....aka Lilith Leatherkitten
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  • Anna
    Anna
    offline 1

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Wed, February 7, 2007 - 12:55 PM
    jenlee,
    I was goth before it even had a name. I was the "Creepy kid who always wears black." now I'm "The creepy old goth lady."! Goth is elegant and timeless. So why should it's children not also be? I'm 45 going on 245...
    Enjoy what you are and ask no pardon.
    Hugz!
    Lilith Eventide Nightshade
    Shedevil
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  • Ravyn
    Ravyn
    offline 0

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Sat, February 10, 2007 - 8:28 AM
    Since "Goth" incorporates a wide range of interests, styles, and types, I'd say -- NO. Like you, I faced pressure to conform, and after my teen "Punk" years, I put away my fishnets, black nail polish, and chokers. Now that I'm on the brink of 39, I feel free to do what pleases me. . . freer to be myself. . . and less concerned with "fitting in." Yes, I divorced and that gave me space to explore. I didn't even start [or go back] until I was 36! I live in a conservative area, and I do get some stares. My ex says I need to "grow up," but I feel more "like myself" in Goth attire, but I find that in the workplace, I have to segue into a kind of corporate Goth look to seem "grown up" -- but weekends and evenings, I break out the fishnets and black lipstick, and by day I wear black suits, dark hose and Mary Janes. . . deep shades of red lipstick and pale grey eyeshadow (yes, I still wear my thick eyeliner. . . they can just fire me if they can't get over that). You might want to check out Voltaire's books. . . he's older than both of us and still maintains his dark style. In my mind, Goth is more than eyeliner or black clothing. . . it's self-expression without self-consciousness. . . it's nonconformity. . . it's 'attitude,' and you may be at the perfect age to express these things freely. Best to you! ~Ravyn
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    • Belilah
      Belilah
      offline 210

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Sat, February 10, 2007 - 9:09 AM
      That's how I was - I put away my "punk" life when I finished college and got a job. I'm 33 now and am re-embracing it (have been slowly over the last few years) - I find I'm a "mellower" Goth than I was, with 2 kids I have adopted jeans into the wardrobe and as an accounting clerk I do a casual business Goth type thing a lot. It is more attitude than clothes - I get recognized by the younger ones whether I'm in "Soccer-Mom" Goth mode or all out fishnets and black nails.
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  • Rowan
    Rowan
    offline 10

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Mon, February 12, 2007 - 8:39 PM
    At my ripe old age of 50, I have been searching. I had a nervous breakdown around 6 years ago, a real doozie, and I seem to have lost who I was along the way. I used to be little mary sunshine, it was genuine not phony. then I reverted to my hippie self from my teen years. none of this has been intentional. I was given a computer and internet, and ever since, I have been looking at goth. the pictures felt good in my eyes. the poetry reflected my soul. the velvet clothes, the drapes, the skulls all felt good in my head. I kept asking myself, can it be that I've gone over to the dark side? and my wiccan self said, no conflict here!
    So I guess you could say that I'm a goth convert in a way. my "self" chose for me. and goths are the most genuine people I've ever met. they are who they are. no pretense. me too.
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    • lizabat
      lizabat
      offline 216

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Mon, February 12, 2007 - 11:30 PM
      wow where do you live that you don't have snobby goths? lol from my experience, goths are some of the most rude people there are. well actually it seems to be about half and half. some are great people the others have major sticks up their asses, especially at clubs.
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      • Rowan
        Rowan
        offline 10

        Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

        Tue, February 13, 2007 - 11:31 AM
        saying they are genuine doesn't mean they are nice, only that they are true to themselves, which is a valuable trait to me. I have met more phonies in people who claim to be other things, like Christians, or hippies. it's been my experience that snobs of any flavor are just trying to force you to notice them, notice things about them, and then imply that you can't be like them, you are not (a) smart enough (b)cool enough (c) too poor, too rich. the sticks were either placed by Vlad the Impaler, or not.
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  • Frui...
    Fruitbatt
    offline 0

    Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

    Thu, February 15, 2007 - 4:43 PM
    I am 39, in fact i will be 40 this year, I have been displaying gothic tendencies before it had a name!
    YOu are who you are, goth isn't someting you can conveniently discard then put on again, as SHakespeare wrote in his famous play 'Hamlet' to thine own self be true'. you are a goth, be a goth and be proud!!! I too had a time when i was married to a not so nice person who forced me to not be myself, thankfully i am now married to a lovely person who loves me for me. Be a goth and Be proud!
    Embrace your own creative diversity.
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    • jenlee
      jenlee
      offline 43

      Re: is there an age limit to the Goth lifestyle?

      Sat, April 14, 2007 - 10:57 PM
      Pushing 37' s back door and I as well have found that self-expression being the corner stone to a balanced life. Wild witchy locks have found a home in my dark heart as well as exploring the sexual sex of my Gothness. I am old enough to look into this side of myself and it is a joy to embrace.
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  • Call...
    Callisto
    offline 288

    Absolutely not!

    Wed, April 18, 2007 - 8:14 AM
    Being goth is a state of mind. It's a deep sensation and a way to be.
    i actually just got out of my goth closet. I guess I always thought that you had to be 14 years old and cut yourself, look like a panda in the face and be against everything to call yourself goth. Then I realized that goth is what I am and always have been. The fascination for the darkness, black clothing, the extreme make-up, the hair style and colors... I could watch the Underworld movies forever, just to see their dark appearances on the screen.

    I wondered too for a while if I was to old. People around me often consider the goth-thing to be something you do as teenager as a protest and then grow out of. I didn't. I grew into it instead and learned how to embrace it instead. I'm so glad and inspired by the fact that I'm not the only past-30 who's just found the words and expressions for their being.
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